


(i want to) be someone

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 00 line - Freeform, College AU, Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt, M/M, Minor Angst, Seungsung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 03:05:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20108143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: College has taught Jisung many things, but taking care of a stressed Kim Seungmin is a lesson he learns all by himself.





	(i want to) be someone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [demonglass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonglass/gifts).

> title inspired by be someone by banners!

Jisung genuinely cannot decide which of the two are worse; mid-term examinations, or finals. With mid-terms at least Seungmin isn’t pulling all-nighters and basically hibernating in the library. Finals, on the other hand, really do bring out the worst in him. Jisung is certain that in the past few days, he hasn’t seen Seungmin for more than a total of six hours. Jisung has tried (and failed) to explain to his boyfriend that maybe he’s stressing out too much, only to receive affronted glances and clipped responses from the younger.

More than frustrating, it’s worrisome to watch Seungmin – who’s good at almost everything there is – somehow being horrible at taking care of himself. Jisung can’t remember the last time he saw his boyfriend have a proper meal, or even have a decent amount of sleep. It’s driving him crazy watching Seungmin’s health slowly deteriorate right in front of his eyes and not be able to help him.

“I don’t know what to do,” he fesses to Hyunjin one night when they’re both seated in the library, waiting for Seungmin. “He just doesn’t seem to care.”

“What does he say when you tell him to take a break or something?” Hyunjin asks through a mouthful of sashimi. Snacks aren’t allowed in the library but somehow, he _always_ manages to sneak them in.

“Sometimes he says he’ll take one later, but mostly he doesn’t even reply. It’s like I’m not even there.”

“Ouch,” Hyunjin winces.

“Tell me about it,” the younger of the two sighs. “It just keeps getting worse. He didn’t even notice I dyed my hair!”

“What.”

“That’s exactly what I said, too,” Jisung scowls. “How couldn’t he have noticed my hair was blue? _Blue_.”

“Wait, what happened? Tell me everything,” Hyunjin insists, suddenly a hundred times more interested than he was before. _All he needs is drama_, Jisung thinks to himself, rolling his eyes.

“I dunno. I just went to his room and said ‘hey, do you notice anything different about me?’ and guess what he said. _Guess_.”

“What did he say? Oh my god,” Hyunjin says, eyes wide.

“He said, ‘Oh wow. New shoes?’ Hyunjin, I’ve had those shoes for seven years. _Seungmin_ bought them for me on my thirteenth birthday.”

“What. The. Hell.”

“Right? I said, ‘No, look at my hair.’ And even then it took him around three minutes to fully understand what I’d done. I’m telling you all this studying is unhealthy. I’m genuinely concerned,” Jisung frowns.

His friend’s eyes widen. “Uh, yeah, definitely. Who’s gonna tell him that, though?”

“I dunno. I mean, I tried and almost got kicked out from our apartment in the process. Seungmin started lecturing me about _dyeing my hair of all things_, which is funny because he’d literally dyed his hair red a few months ago but apparently that isn’t ‘a valid argument anymore, Jisung.’”

”Wow, that sucks,” his friend sympathizes, digging out a stale packet of cookies from his bag, “Have a biscuit.”

“Thanks, Hyunjinnie. Maybe if this biscuit could solve my problems—“

“Wait, shut up. He’s here,” Hyunjin hisses, looking at someone behind Jisung.

“What?” Jisung responds, craning his neck to spot Seungmin, who as per usual has a dozen books stacked neatly in his arms. “Oh thank god, maybe we can make him eat some sashimi and biscuits.”

“Seungmin! Seungminnie, over here!!” Hyunjin says loudly, waving his arms wildly for the boy to to notice him. A few students turn to shoot annoyed looks at him but nobody does anything, except Seungmin who strides over and lighly smacks Hyunjin on the head. “Can you stop being so loud? We’re in the library.” He says, and then slides into the seat next to Jisung’s.

“Hey,” Jisung says, feeling a little breathless.

“Hey,” Seungmin replies, shooting him a tired smile before flipping open his book and burying his head inside.

Jisung’s eyes meet Hyunjin’s. “See?” He mouths. Hyunjin, however, clears his throat and says, “Seungmin, have you eaten yet?”

No response.

“Seungmin,” he tries again. “Have you eaten?”

When he still doesn’t reply, Jisung gently shakes his shoulder. “Minnie, have you eaten anything yet?”

“What?” The younger asks, lifting his head from his book. He squints his eyes at the boys as they repeat the question. “No, not yet. What’s the time?”

“It’s just past ten. We can grab dinner at that nice ajhumma’s place,” Jisung offers with a smile. “I’ll pay," he adds generously, although he's sure he'll have to end up borrowing some money from Hyunjin.

“What do you mean it’s past ten? Are you serious?” Seungmin asks, suddenly alert. Jisung watches as his grip tightens on the book.

“Yeah...” Hyunjin shoots a confused look at Jisung, clearly not understanding why his friend was freaking out. “Why? Are you late for something?”

“Oh my god. I was supposed to finish this chapter an hour ago. I’ll talk to you guys later, bye.” He says, quickly gathering his things.

“What? Seungmin, you _just_ came. Wait for a few minutes, have something to eat first and then you can study. How can you continue if you don’t have enough energy?” Jisung says, reaching out to grab his wrist. “Sit down, have dinner with us.”

“I _can’t_. I’ve got to finish this entire section or I won’t ever be able to complete my syllabus on time. I’m sorry.” Seungmin responds, shaking Jisung’s hand off his wrist and then dashing out of the library before either of them can stop him.

“Wow, that was so much worse than I thought.” Hyunjin mumbles, watching Seungmin disappear.

“I know, right? Now he’ll stay up the entire night just trying to finish that one damned chapter.”

“Where’s he even going?” Hyunjin muses, stuffing another biscuit into his mouth.

“No idea. Maybe a different floor?” Jisung replies, still staring at where Seungmin had last been.

“He’s too hard on himself,” the older of the two says, shaking his head, “Our poor Seungminnie.”

“Yeah, poor Seungminnie,” Jisung agrees, getting up and grabbing his few belongings. “Let’s go home now. It’s not like we'll be studying anyway.”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin nods, staring distastefully at his books. “Text me when Seungmin reaches home, okay?”

“I will, bye,” Jisung says as he walks towards the door.

“Bye,” Hyunjin responds, heading the other way.

Seungmin doesn’t come home all night.

  
Jisung wakes up at around ten the next morning, just in time for his ten forty-five class. He’d fallen asleep on the couch, waiting for Seungmin. He pads over to Seungmin’s room to see if the other boy was up for breakfast, and grimaces when his eyes land on the empty, and unruffled bed. Either Seungmin hadn’t come home at all, or he’d already left. Jisung hopes it’s the latter.

He checks his phone for texts and sighs when he sees that most of them are from Hyunjin :

**10:12PM : yooo is min home?**  
** 10:30PM : helloooo?  
11:17PM : have u died.  
11:38PM : minnie isn’t replying either  
11:56PM : are u /both/ ded  
11:58PM : can u reply im worried????  
11:59PM : han jisung,,, u + my hand + ur face . let’s do it. slap.  
11:59PM : does that sound weird.. no homo bro  
12:05AM : nvm just asked lix and he said min was still @ the library when he left rippppp  
12:06AM : give seungminnie a kiss 4rm me ;)**

He rolls his eyes at the last one. Hyunjin came up with this crazy reasoning that just because he can’t kiss Seungmin, Jisung, his boyfriend, can do it for him. He closes his chat with Hyunjin and sees that there’s also one text from Seungmin :

**12:18AM : won’t come home 2nite. don’t stay up late!!! <3**

Jisung scowls— so Seungmin hadn’t come home after all. He decides to skip breakfast and look for Seungmin instead.

When he reaches the library, it’s completely empty, save for a lone figure sitting at a large table covered in piles of books and empty cups of what he’s assuming was coffee.

Jisung grits his teeth and approaches the boy. Seungmin looks terrible; his eyes are sunken, face ashen, and back slumped tiredly over his textbook. Jisung wonders if he slept at all the previous night. His heart does ache a bit at the thought of his boyfriend being in such a terrible state, but he mostly just feels an overwhelming sense of annoyance.

He clears his throat, trying to gain the other’s attention. Seungmin, however, doesn’t realize that there’s someone standing there at all till Jisung says in an unexpectedly cold voice,

“Hey, you didn’t come home last night.”

“Who—“ Seungmin looks up from his notebook for a split second, and when he sees that it’s only Jisung, he adds, “Oh, hi. Yeah, I forgot.”

“You forgot,” Jisung repeats incredulously, on the verge of throwing a fit. “You _forgot_ to go home.”

“Yeah, that's what I said,” he responds, busy scribbling something on a piece of paper. “Can you move a bit to the left?” He asks Jisung, not even bothering to look up, “you’re blocking the light.”

“What do you mean you forgot to come home? How is that even possible?” Jisung questions, staying firmly in place.

“I dunno, I guess I lost track of time while studying,” Seungmin replies distractedly, brows furrowed as he scans the contents of his book.

Jisung snatches the pen out of Seungmin’s hand.

“What the fu— why’d you do that?” Seungmin fumes, reaching for his pen.

“Get up,” Jisung orders. “Get up right now. We’re going home.”

“Like hell I’m going home. I’ve got a shit ton of work to do, Jisung. Stop pestering me.” Seungmin snaps, pulling out a pencil from his bag and already continuing with his writing.

“Did you sleep at all?”

Seungmin ignores him, reaching blindly for an eraser.

“Seungmin, I’m talking to you.” Jisung says loudly.

“Jisung,” his boyfriend says through gritted teeth, “don’t worry about me and just go home. I’ve got a lot to do and absolutely no time to waste so please just let me be, okay?”

“Why’re you doing this, Seungmin?” Jisung says, sounding almost desperate

“For God’s sake, Jisung!” Seungmin hisses, “I’m just trying to study. When did that become such a crime?"

“You’re _killing_ yourself. Have you even had any solid food? Or drank anything besides highly caffeinated coffee?”

“I will later! I promise, okay?” Seungmin says, trying his best to sound reassuring, but Jisung can’t bring himself to believe him.

“Seungmin...” Jisung begins, not knowing what to say.

“Hey, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll call you if I need anything, alright?” Seungmin responds, briefly patting Jisung’s hand before grabbing his pencil again.

“Fine,” Jisung sighs defeatedly, watching Seungmin write sentence after sentence on his paper. “Just don’t forget to have some food. And come home early tonight, please.”

“I _will_. Don’t you have your class in a few minutes? Go, Sungie,” Seungmin says, waving his hand dismissively.  
  
“Okay, see you later, I guess.” Jisung replies, turning to leave.

“Later,” Seungmin promises, and that’s that.

“Oh, hey,” Seungmin greets Jisung— who’s seated on the couch with his arms folded— when he enters the apartment, shutting the door behind him. “You’re still up?”

“Yeah. I was waiting for you,” Jisung responds, a slight tremor in his voice because of how upset he is.

Seungmin seems not to notice at all as he carefully places his shoes on the rack by the door. “I’ve told you not to do that anymore,” he shakes his head.

“You also told me you’d come home early tonight,” Jisung snarks.

Seungmin sighs heavily, turning to face the other boy. “It’s only ten, Jisung.”

“Ten isn’t _early_— wait, forget it,” Jisung replies, not wanting to start an argument. “Did you eat after I left?”

“Not this again. _Yes_, Jisung, I ate. _God_,” Seungmin snaps, annoyance creeping into his voice. “Felix and I ate together, alright? Stop nagging all the time.”

“I’m not _nagging_. I’m just asking because I care,” Jisung spits out. Never mind his earlier efforts to prevent a potential fight from breaking out.

“Well, I ate with Felix, I _said_.”

“Did you really?” Jisung asks, about to explode because he knows that’s not true.

“What the hell is wrong with you? I said I ate with Felix, what’s so hard to understand?” Seungmin explodes, tossing his bag on the couch.

“Stop it! Stop _lying_, Seungmin,” Jisung says, and even he’s surprised at how steely his voice sounds. “Felix called me asking me where you were around five times today. Why would he do that if you two supposedly had lunch together?”

Seungmin’s face crumbles, but his tone is as firm as ever when he says, “Fine. I didn’t eat with Felix, but I’m not lying about eating. I have eaten, okay? Just not in front of any of you. Now move so I can study—”

“You _are_ lying. To me, to Hyunjin, to Felix, to all our friends. You’re lying, Seungmin and it’s so fucking tiring to ‘nag’ at you to fucking _eat_ and _sleep_ on time–”

“Well, nobody’s asking you to do it!” Seungmin fires back, his face flushed red with anger. “I don’t ask you to look after me like a fucking baby, Jisung. That’s your fault—”

“Hold on, now you’re going to blame me for caring about you?” Jisung snaps, feeling his blood boil. He can’t remember being this angry in ages. “Are you listening to yourself, Seungmin?”

“Then don’t point fingers at me for being a nuisance! I don’t ask for any of you to run after me with spoonfuls of food or drag me to bed. You do it of your own accord,” the younger of the two snarls, slamming his biochemistry book on the table with a loud thud.

“Don’t turn this thing around, Seungmin. We’re your friends. We’re _supposed_ to take care of you. Wouldn’t you do the same for us?” Jisung responds, staring right into Seungmin’s eyes, who immediately looks the other way.

“Just go, Jisung,” the younger of the two sighs, “I don’t have time for this.”

“Of course you don’t. You never have time for anything but your studies. Fine, I’ll leave. I’m sorry for bothering you,” he says bitterly, turning towards the door.

“Wait,” Seungmin says quietly, gently curling his fingers around Jisung’s wrist. His shoulders sag and he stays silent for a few seconds before finally speaking again, “You’re right. I’m sorry, Jisung. I just— I can’t do this right now. I’ve got so much left to do and only four days to ingrain every single bit of information in my brain, and I know you’re sick of it, but I am too, and I promise we can talk about this later—”

“No! _No_. You always— this is what you _always_ do. ‘Later, later, later’ but later never comes. I’m so tired of this, Seungmin. All you ever do is study. You don’t eat, you don’t rest, you don’t go out anymore. You just hole yourself up in your room or stay all night at the library. It’s not okay.”

“I know, Sungie,” he says apologetically, taking Jisung’s hand in his own. “I know. But I promise as soon as my exams end, I’ll do whatever you want me to do, okay? I just can’t right now. I need to study.”

Jisung stares at him for a few moments, not knowing what to say. He feels upset, angry at himself for not being able to help Seungmin. But more than that, he feels frustrated. Frustrated at Seungmin for being so childish.

“Whatever,” he says, snatching his hand out of Seungmin’s grip. “I’m going out. You do whatever the hell you want.”

“Sungie—“ Seungmin calls out, sounding so small that Jisung genuinely just wants to forgive him, but he brushes past him anyway.

“Good luck with your studying.” He mutters and then walks out of the room, making sure to slam the door as loudly as he can behind him.

  
When Jisung gets home that night, it’s a few minutes past midnight. He kicks his shoes off at the entrance despite him knowing exactly how much it annoys Seungmin. He’s being petty, but he doesn’t really care. He’s tired and angry and hurt and all he wants for now is to go to bed.

He walks quietly towards the direction of his and Seungmin’s rooms and pauses outside the other’s door, debating whether or not he should go in. Finally, he decides against it and walks into his own room, gently shutting the door; Seungmin’s probably (obviously) studying and he doesn’t really want to argue with him again.

He’s about to throw himself on his bed when he spots a paper bag on his table. It’s rolled up neatly from the top and kept right beside a picture of him and Seungmin at Lotte World the year before. Despite feeling so angry earlier, he can’t help the smile that forms on his face, because he knows exactly what’s in it before he even looks inside.

Sure enough, it’s a box with his favourite blueberry cheesecake inside. There’s a bright yellow post-it note stuck to the lid - the kind only one person he knows uses. It reads :  
_ “I’m sorry for making you worry about me all the time. Thank you for always taking care of me. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.  
Love you lots - Seungmin x”_

God, he can never stay mad at Seungmin for long. Smiling like a goof, he heads to Seungmin’s room, quietly pushing the door open so as not to disturb the boy. He peeks inside and his smile softens at the sight in front of him; Seungmin’s dozed off on his desk, his head resting on his arm. Although he’s usually a very organized person, there are books scattered everywhere in the room; on the bed, on the spare chair, on the floor and even on top of his closet. It makes Jisung’s heart hurt.

Quiet snores break the silence in the room, and once again, Jisung feels a pang of sadness. The only time his boyfriend sleeps is when he physically cannot stay up any longer, and one doesn’t have to be a med student to know that, that’s unhealthy. He shakes his head and walks towards Seungmin. Up close, he can see the dried tear tracks on his face, and Jisung wonders whether it was because of the fight they’d had earlier or if he’d had a breakdown while studying... or both?

The older boy carefully lifts Seungmin’s head from his arm and rests it against the back of the chair. He then wheels the chair as close as it possibly can get to Seungmin’s bed, and then, as gently as he can, he shifts the sleeping boy from the chair to the bed, praying he doesn’t wake up.

It’s when he’s tucking Seungmin in that the other boy finally opens his eyes, blinking sleepily at Jisung, who feels his heart sink at the prospect of Seungmin fully waking up and going back to study.

“Sungie...?” Seungmin whispers, voice laced with fatigue and something else Jisung can’t quite figure out.

“Hey,” Jisung replies, smiling down at him, “thanks for the cake.”

At that, Seungmin’s own lips curl into a tired grin. “T’was nothing,” he says, “Thank you for looking out for me, and...” he trails off, looking sheepish.

“And what?” Jisung prods, although he knows what Seungmin’s going to say anyway.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I honestly didn’t mean to upset you.”

“S’okay,” Jisung shrugs, running a hand through Seungmin’s already tousled hair, who leans in into the touch. “I’m sorry for yelling at you, too.”

Seungmin hums in response. “Come to bed now,” he says, “I’m tired.”

Jisung grins, lifting the covers and sliding in next to Seungmin. He doesn’t know what he’s happier about; the fact that him and Seungmin have made up or that the younger boy might actually get the required amount of sleep.

“Why’re you smiling like that?” Seungmin asks, poking the other’s cheek lazily.

“Nothing,” he laughs, “go to sleep.”

“Kay. Night, Sungie,” Seungmin says softly, leaning in to kiss Jisung. 

“Night,” Jisung replies with a grin, leaning over Seungmin to switch off the lamp. He loops his arm around Seungmin’s waist to pull him closer, and waits for his breaths to even out.

Only a few minutes later, however, Seungmin opens his eyes again.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” he whispers tiredly. “Can you set an alarm for two fifteen? I need to wake up by then.”

_Only two hours from now?_ Jisung thinks, reaching for his phone. “Sure, Min. Go back to sleep now.”

“Thanks, love you, Sungie,” he replies sleepily.

“Love you too,” Jisung says, pretending to set the alarm. There’s no way he’s going to let Seungmin sleep for only two hours.

He switches the phone off and slides under the covers once again, waiting for sleep to embrace him.

  
When Jisung wakes up, Seungmin is still asleep. His right hand is curled around Jisung’s arm, and the left one is tightly clutching the blanket. Jisung smiles and carefully extricates himself from Seungmin’s grasp, making sure not to bother him. It’s only nine, he realises, glancing at the clock on the wall. He wonders whether or not he should wake Seungmin up, and finally decides that it’s better to let the boy rest.

Hastily, he gets dressed for the day. His first class starts at half past nine, so he’s still got around half an hour to cook breakfast for himself and Seungmin. There’s a tiny voice at the back of his head telling him to wake Seungmin up, in fear that the other boy might feel upset at the prospect of having missed out on so much time he could’ve spent studying, but he ends up convincing himself that it’s for the best. Seungmin needs to have at least twelve hours of sleep to make up for all the nights lost in a blur of frantic revision.

Jisung carefully plates the eggs for Seungmin and leaves them in the microwave, leaving a short message for the boy to have breakfast. He then rushes outside, making sure to close the door as quietly as possible.

  
When his class finally ends, he hurries into the hallway to check his phone to see if Seungmin had replied to his earlier message. There’s just one notification from Seungmin in his phone, and Jisung quickly unlocks it to see what he said.

**10:04AM : when do you get home? we need to talk.**

Jisung blinks at the screen, feeling a bubble of panic rising inside his chest. Seungmin clearly sounded angry, and he has no clue why. Was it because he hadn’t woken him up? Jisung shakes his head. No way. He did _nothing_ wrong. Letting Seungmin rest wasn’t a mistake, and he was going to tell him exactly that.

With a fresh sense of determination, he decides to take the bus home. His next class isn’t till one, anyway. He hops on the bus and shoots a quick message to Seungmin.

**10:21AM : omw.**

  
“Seungmin?” He calls out when he opens the door to their apartment, “I’m home.” He opens the microwave to check if Seungmin had eaten his breakfast, and frowns when he sees the eggs are exactly as he had left them.

“You didn’t eat your breakfast,” he says to Seungmin, who suddenly appears in the doorway.

“What the hell was that, Jisung?” Is how Seungmin opts to greet him, angrily walking in his direction, “What the _hell_ was that?”

Jisung’s eyes widen. “Hey, calm down, Seungmin,” he replies, trying to sound placating.

“Don’t tell me to calm down! Do you have any idea how much time I’ve lost? I could’ve completed four entire chapters, Jisung. _Four_. _Chapters_,” Seungmin shouts, shaking with anger.

“Seung—“

“I told you to set the alarm for two-fifteen, didn’t I?”

“You did but—“

“Then why the hell didn’t you?” Seungmin snarls, red with rage. "Why didn’t you, Jisung?”

“Seungmin, calm down—“

“You have no idea how I’m feeling right now,” the younger of the two says, voice wobbling dangerously. Jisung thinks he might cry.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, just sit down.” Jisung says soothingly, grabbing Seungmin, who wrenches himself from Jisung’s grip.

“Stop saying that! You don’t get it. It’s _not_ okay,” Seungmin screams, repeatedly stabbing a finger in Jisung’s chest. “It’s not okay,” he whispers, and sinks down on the sofa, hands coming up to cover his face.

It takes a few moments for Jisung to realize that Seungmin is crying, and as soon as he does, he seats himself right next to the other boy, wrapping an arm around his slimmer frame.

“Minnie, hey, why’re you crying? What’s wrong?” he questions as calmly as he can. Internally, however, he’s totally freaking out. Missing out on a few hours of studying couldn’t possibly be so upsetting... could it?

“I don’t know,” mumbles Seungmin in between sobs, “I just feel— I just feel so _useless_ all the damn time. All of you have got something going for you. You with your music, Hyunjin and Felix with their dance. All I have is my grades, and now I don’t even have that because—“ he breaks off with a sob, “because I haven’t studied at all and I’m totally going to fail and I just can’t anymore. I’m so tired all the time. My head hurts constantly, my brain doesn’t fucking work anymore, I’m so, so tired of everything. I’m tired of studying, I’m tired of fighting with you, I’m tired of not being able to spend time with you or the others. I can’t remember the last time I even talked to my parents. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I spoke to Jeongin and we’re literally two doors away from him. I feel so detached from everything and just. I just want it to stop.”

“Seungmin...” Jisung begins, at a complete loss for words. He can’t recall the last time Seungmin had been this open with him. Usually when he’s upset, the two of them would go out together to take Seungmin’s mind off of things. That’s how the other boy preferred to unwind, anyway. This feels almost foreign.

“I’m sorry,” Seungmin cries, “I’ve been such a mess these past few days, and all I’ve done is yell at you for being there for me and it’s so unfair to you because—“

“Seungmin!” Jisung interjects, grabbing Seungmin’s hands and pulling them away from his face. “Minnie, it’s okay. I get it. You’ve got your exams and I know they matter a lot to you but just hear me out okay?”

Seungmin nods meekly, eyes falling shut.

“Seungminnie, first of all, you’re as far from useless as one can get. I’ve never known anyone as functional as you, because you refuse to let any second of your time go to waste. You’re always busy with one thing or the other, and that’s a good thing, but it’s okay to take some time for yourself too, you know? You don’t always have to be doing something for you to be considered, I dunno, useful? It’s okay to take a break—“

“_No_,” Seungmin cuts him off, teary-eyed again, “I can’t take a break because I’m so scared of falling behind. You guys keep chasing these dreams of yours and I’m just stuck running after you. I just want to be someone like all of you.”

“Seungmin,” Jisung shakes his head, “Why are you thinking all of this, hm? You already _are_ someone. You’re Kim Seungmin!” he says, gently shaking him. “Top of the class, baseball extraordinaire, aspiring singer, and the best boyfriend in the world.”

At that, Seungmin lets out a shaky laugh, tightening his hold on Jisung’s hand. “That’s not true, though,” he says. “Lately all I’ve been is a grouch.”

Jisung grins. “It’s okay to be a grouch sometimes, too. Now come on, stop crying.”

“Okay,” Seungmin replies, drying his eyes with the tissue Jisung had given him. “Was I being too silly?”

“Just a bit,” Jisung answers easily. “But I want you to know that we love you a lot, okay? You’re an extremely gifted individual and all of us are so incredibly proud of you. You’re probably the only one out of us who’s actually got his life on track—the rest of us are just waiting for life to do its thing.”

“Okay,” Seungmin says, giving him a weak smile. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything. Stop worrying so much! You’re going to ace all your exams, alright?”

Seungmin nods. “Alright.”

“Good, let’s go grab some lunch now,” Jisung suggests, standing up and pulling Seungmin with him. “You haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.”

“Wait, don’t you have a class in like, two hours?”

“We’ll probably be done by then, and if not, I can always play hooky,” Jisung winks, heading outside.

“Don’t you dare,” Seungmin warns, following him, and Jisung marvels silently at how easily he’s reverted back to his usual self.

“We’ll see,” he says cheekily, causing the other boy to shout, “Jisung!”

“I’m just kidding!” he grins, giving Seungmin a wet smooch right on the lips. 

“Hey, ew!” Seungmin frowns, pushing Jisung away from him, but there’s a huge smile on his face anyway.

“I love you,” Jisung singsongs, eyes scrunching into tiny crescents, and Seungmin’s smile widens, cheeks reddening slightly. 

“I love you too,” he laughs, the sound warm with sincerity and affection. “Now let’s go! You’re paying.”

“Of course I am. It’s always me who pays anyway!” Jisung pouts.

“Not true,” Seungmin counters breezily, stepping out into the sunlight. Outside, he seems to be almost glowing, and although Seungmin’s the photographer out of the two of them, his hands itch for a camera. He wants to keep this moment with him forever.

“What’re you looking at?” the younger boy scowls, sticking his tongue out at Jisung. “Loser,” he huffs, when Jisung doesn’t respond, and begins to walk away.

The action is so unbelievably Seungmin that Jisung can’t help but laugh. “Wait up!” He yells in between giggles.

“No! You’re too slow!” Seungmin yells back, already at the end of the street.

“Hold on, I’m coming!” He shouts, watching Seungmin laugh at him from afar.

In his heart Jisung knows that everything will be okay. Seungmin will ace his tests and get into some really prestigious university, he’ll do fairly well on his own, and both of them will be able to spend the summer together in Incheon with his family.

Jisung smiles at the thought. That’s all that matters, anyway. The two of them being together.

☼☼☼ 

**Author's Note:**

> omg ok this was such a wild ride. i can't believe i finally got around to publishing this! amanda i love you and i hope you genuinely enjoy reading this <3 thank you for always keeping my seungbin, seungsung and seunglix heart full. i love u lots. 
> 
> also if any of u want, u can find me on [twitter!](https://mobile.twitter.com/HANJlSUN6)
> 
> and and and!! if u enjoyed reading this (which i seriously hope u did!) please leave kudos and comments! it makes the writing process all the more worth it! constructive criticism will also be highly appreciated! thank u so much! <3


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